6 Ways You Can Bless the Wives of the Pastors in Your Church

Whether her husband serves as the Lead Pastor, Worship Pastor, or any other pastoral role in the church, a pastor’s wife is a special calling.

So, here are a few ways you can be a blessing to them…
 
1. Pray for her
Take her name before the throne of the Father on a regular basis. 

• Pray for her as she balances home, family, church, and career.
• Pray for her health – physical, mental, and spiritual. 
• Pray that the Lord will guard her heart and mind against the daily attacks of the enemy.  

Remember: Prayer is never the least we can do, it is always the most we can do for someone.
 
2. Don’t hold her to unrealistic expectations
She may be an extremely amazing woman, but she cannot do everything. 

• Don’t expect her to be on the planning/lead team for every women’s event.
• There will be times that she is unable to be in attendance at church - and that’s ok.
• Keep in mind that she is not an ex officio employee of the church.  
• Understand that she will not always have all the answers.

Remember:  She is human too.  No one can live up to the unfair and unrealistic expectation to be “ideal” at all times. 
 
3. See her for her
She is so much more than the wife of a pastor.  Don’t miss out on the opportunity to see that. 

• She is a unique individual. 
• She is a person with likes and interests that extend outside the structure of the church. 
• She desires to be seen but not smothered.

Remember:  A pastor’s wife can easily become a Sunday morning wallflower treated like just another fixture in the church that we expect to be there in her place.  Don’t allow this to happen – see her for who she truly is.
 
4. Don’t vent to her
A pastor’s wife should never be used as sounding board in hopes they will relay your thoughts and opinions to their spouse.  If you need to talk to the pastor, talk to the pastor and not his wife.

• She’s likely already heard your same complaint, concern, or critique from 5 other people.
• She already serves as the primary active listener for her husband as he talks through issues within the church and how to they can best be remedied. 

Remember: Pastor’s wives carry their husband’s burdens even more heavily than he does. They love so big, that when the church & their spouse hurt, they hurt big for them. They don’t need others to dogpile on an already heavy load. 
 
5. Go to lunch with her and DON’T talk about church
Please don’t let every conversation with her come back around to church related topics.

• Don’t have an agenda when you set up a time to meet with her socially.
• Show an interest in her story – her background, her family, her passions. 
• Talk with her about the movie you saw last week or the book you are reading, or the funny think that happened to you at the mall.  Just keep things light. 

Remember: Genuine friendships and connections are rare for ministers and their spouses.  They crave and desire community just like anyone else.  However, their titles, responsibilities, and schedules often hinder them from being able to connect deeply with others.
 
6. Love her children
If you want to show love to your pastor’s wife, love her kids well.  Encourage them as often and in as many ways as you possibly can. 

• Allow them to be a regular kid without labels.
• Show them grace as grace is needed.
• Don’t speak badly about their parents. 

Remember: Pastor’s kids live in a fishbowl.  They are often judged by the three hours per week that church people see them.  What goes unseen by so many is every interrupted dinner, missed ball game, and family day put on the back burner because dad is called away to meet the needs of other families in the church.  It’s hard being a PK.  That doesn’t give them a free pass to run wild.  But, they don’t deserve to live under a microscope of skepticism either.  Love them like Jesus loves them. 

Of course, these are generalized concepts that are common to most church settings. My wife and I have been so blessed over the years to serve in churches that do a wonderful job with the majority of the things.  And to those churches, I say, “Thank you for the blessing you have been to my wife & our family!”

What are some things you might add to this list?

-Jason Taylor
Worship & Youth Pastor